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Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders
- Nice title card!
- Old drunk lady using a ouija board
- I see you cursed monkey!
- Creepy old model house
- He’s not talking to you because you’re an old nag
- This isn’t Thomas
- It’s…
- Wait, does a ouija board with one person make any sense?
- All the creepy dolls!
- It’s murder!
- Also, it’s just a movie on TV
- This kid is just watching a creepy house burn on TV
- Yeah, you’re a really irresponsible babysitter
- Earnest wrote stories for television
- Grampa, are you crazy?
- Yes, Grampa, tell me a story, I want make sure I have all the necessary crazy old coot memories of you before you die
- Thief!
- I guess he got away with it
- Jesus!
- Rats are my friends
- Of course he has a sword in the stone…although, I would have thought Arthur had taken care of that long ago
- Does Merlin have to get a business license?
- Wow, that facade is worse than the Renn Faire
- Slow motion kid walking up to the shop door because…
- Woah! It’s Medieval Times!
- Actually, indoor trees are pretty badass
- Scary old lady works in the shop
- Great entrance, Merlin
- This seems like a really personal conversation right outside the magic shop
- This guy gets evil music
- Of course this little boy reminds you of Arthur
- There’s still hope… this one kid believes in magic
- Old guy doing close up magic makes weird cat sounds
- Jonathan Cooper… the Third
- Trolls?
- Why is this guy reviewing the shop?
- Ah, he’s an asshole journalist… probably writes about fake news
- The Third is recording his thoughts, so he must be an asshole
- He’s here to awake the world to magic awww… Like the Awakening in Shadowrun?
- Wait for it…
- Make a wish!
- I bet she wishes to get pregnant
- The Third does not like the moment everyone is sharing without him
- Didn’t they just give a demonstration?
- I am pretty sure The Third is not a supreme being
- Yes, give him… THE BOOK
- Magic book
- Wow, this guy has the arrogant asshole book memorized already
- If you dabble with any spells, you will probably unmake the universe. Have fun!
- Yup, he’s going to kill us all
- So, do we have to explain to this kid where babies come from?
- You should probably know by now this guy has no compassion
- Just going to read this entire spellbook sitting in my car inside the garage
- No wait, NOW he’s going to read the book
- There’s an index?
- “Typically in Latin…” because he’s read a lot of spellbooks before?
- Well, he’s friendly to his cat, at least
- All you have to do to levitate something is say one word?
- Fire obviously coming from behind his head
- Convenient fire extinguisher, just in case someone spits fire in the basement
- What was on his lip?
- Does she think about anything else?
- Yeah, go ahead, cast the incomplete spell…
- This guy is going to destroy his house before the night is done
- Cackling maniac
- The Third has an enormous amount of make-up on
- Obviously because he’s aged
- Cat has been turned into a puppet!
- Pulls shelf down onto himself
- Incinerates puppet
- He knew you’re an arrogant asshole
- This skullcap is terrible
- I don’t think it’s working
- Finally… she has a baby… who will grow up to be an asshole
- At least we don’t have to explain where babies come from
- Merlin’s Precious…
- The thief shows up
- I’ve always wanted a possessed monkey doll
- I hope it was worth it, dude
- Thief’s regret?
- So… you’re upset that the horrible little monkey is gone?
- That’s an insult to vagabonds
- Why is this couple recounting their courtship?
- Yes… a homing spell
- It’s great that we’ve got Earnest here to explain everything in the plot
- Welcome to the suburbs circa 1978
- Yeah, the garage is much safer than the inside of a car
- Finally, just what this movie needed, carnies!
- This looks like a lady that wants a demon monkey toy!
- I hope she gets it to terrorize her children
- Obviously Merlin can’t find anything without a woman to get him directions
- This guy doing a John Wayne impression is creeping me out
- Yay! Demonic toy monkey will kill us all!
- This kids do not know how to play with toys
- Nobody plays with monkey toys!
- The next day…
- What kind of fun adult games involve scaring someone to death with a shovel?
- Just a dead plant on the counter
- Holy crap, my wife is terrible at taking care of all the plants! Why did I even marry her?
- This woman does not care that she resold stolen merchandise
- Everyone wants to scare David to death
- This poor dog is always locked in the garage
- This poor guy
- Guys working on cars, women doing the shopping… just as it was always meant to be
- This monkey wants to kill all the pets
- Don’t you know when you set the timing you need a timing light?
- Two pets and all the house plants in one day…evil!
- This kid doesn’t believe this psychic bullshit either
- This dialog isn’t even remotely close to matching up with what is being said
- I like that David gets dressed up to see the psychic
- This is no joking matter, David!
- Can you please kidnap my child you creepy neighbor guy you
- Just playing with the toy monkey and a handgun
- We aren’t going to talk about that at all, are we
- Monkey is thinking “this guy is terrible at vacuuming!”
- Yeah, it’s probably that easy
- Weird, no one wants to talk to the creepy old guy
- Dress in normal clothes, grandpa!
- How could cleaning the house make you feel better? I thought that was women’s work.
- It’s talking to me, daddy
- Kid is pancaked by all the cars
- I’m sure these rubber bands will save us
- Hah! This rain will slow you down!
- “God help me!” (1:20:43)
- Wow, they have an awful lot of beer in the fridge
- At least the plants are growing again
- He says, after falling down on the job
- I don’t see how that medallion helped David
- Finally, another old person to talk to
- George RR Martin?
- “It’s my monkey…I can’t find it.” Sir, if you don’t know what your monkey is…
- We want to make sure Dad is right here to experience the horror
- HORROR!
- Yeah, all this situation requires is a wagging finger
- Burn it with fire?
- And now the kid will have years of nightmares
