Episode 12: Sam’s Notes – Streaming Nonsense Podcast

Black Death

Starting in 1348
Plague and stuff
God hates us
Let’s scapegoat the witches and demons
Oh look, it’s Eddie the monk, Osmund
This body has bloody lymph nodes
Osmund checks his lymph nodes and calls for Brother Thomas
Looks like Eddie is in quarantine
Get your bindle of food
Bring out your dead…
So, monk has a girlfriend
Ah, the food was for her
Osmund tells her to leave and hide in the forest
That’s right, Osmund the monk has betrayed god by having a girlfriend
Not here, people can see…
Averill gives Osmund an ultimatum, she’ll be at the cross for one week, and then gone
He’s asking for a sign as the riders approach
Ulrich comes to say there is a village not affected by the plague
Ulrich wants a guide into the great marsh, Osmund volunteers
Osmund leaves with Ulrich and one of the guys in the party
The dead are lined up in the fields for burial or burning
Why poke the ground for ants?
Ulrich brings them back to the rest of the group who are sharpening weapons
Clearly there are things going on here, these men expect to find a necromancer
Are you cool with journeying into hell? Says Sean Bean…
*CRASH*
Look at our torture/murder devices, of course we’re doing god’s work
The party members are described
Cut to a witch being attacked
Ulrich cuts her off and then slits her throat because…?
Are we trying to teach Osmund a lesson?
Nothing like a good pig shagging
The party keeps inviting each other to leave
Ah the French
The longbow was invented!
Introduce the stiletto for quick painless kills
So, because of this massacre, that brought the plague on?
Ulrich killed the woman to spare her suffering, even though she was not a witch
Something approaches…
A warning that where they go, men have become savages
A warning from the torturer that he can smell the lies on Osmund
Party comes across a burned village
Griff starts coughing up blood
His nodes are swollen, they’ll kill him for sure
Ulrich orders his death
At least they buried him
Hunting and necromancers and demons serves men, more than god
Osmund wakes early in the morning, everyone else appears asleep still
He goes for a jog
And comes to the cross looking for Averill
He runs to her horse and finds the cloak with blood on it
Armed men on the ridge
There are men in the forest, horns
They move forward, cautiously
And the fighting begins
Now are these the savages or just assholes?
The party seems to be making quick work of these guys, it’s bloody
Osmund is stabbed
So that didn’t go great
Because of you, one of my men are dead… I think it was the bad men who killed him.
Still going to the marsh
So we’re going to walk through the marsh and drag the necromancer back to the cage, yeah, that seems reasonable
Osmund is still holding his wound, no one is dealing with that
There are clearly people in this village, quiet, though
They get to the town square and…
All the people have come out to greet them!
This looks like the big man now
This guy is Hob
Seems like they’ll get on just fine
Hob nods to someone in a hut making something salve like
Osmund is seeing Averill in the water… but just seeing things
Osmund goes with the beautiful woman who was making something in the hut, herbalist?
The herbalist is Melisandre from GoT!
She does not seem to like the crucifix
The pain is going away already
Langiva’s husband was killed by men of god, she clearly has an issue
The church hasn’t been used in a long time
Hob is being mysterious
The girl was wearing the same amulet that Ulrich has
They’re hanging out in a feast hall
Langiva makes a speech thankful that they haven’t suffered the pestilence
These people do not like Ulrich’s prayers
These are not god’s people
Women outnumber men here
Ulrich keeps warning everyone about evil in this place
Langiva draws Osmund outside
Langiva shows Osmund to Averill, who is dead… might she rise again?
Osmund goes to the church to tell god he’s angry
Someone is outside
Oh look, it’s Averill, and she’s pissed
He’s just seeing things
Ulrich explains his wife and child are dead and gives Osmund a knife
The party members are all getting attention from the womanfolk
Osmund asks when she will be buried, Langiva tells him she’ll take care of everything and that he’ll see her again
I’m not sure Osmund should trust this woman
Has their drink been spiked?
A ritual is being performed
So… Langiva is undead
And she is raising Averill, it seems
Of course, everyone else is going to be drugged now
The party is captured
Osmund finds the previous party strung up
Now our party is being held in a pit
The villagers have brought in the cage
Langiva gives a speech about the evils of Christians
The pestilence is a Christian disease
The torturer is the first to be pulled out, he sings as he’s strung up
And they slice him open
One offers to renounce
Oh yeah, this guy is going to die
And they hang him
Osmund is taken from the pit and slowly walks to the barn where Averill is
Maybe she’ll attack him all zombie like?
She doesn’t even notice him
She’s just playing with knives
Osmund isn’t happy that Averill is really human anymore, and he ends her. Again.
But at least he has some knives now, right?
And they go to split Ulrich
Ulrich brings plague to the village
And they tear him apart as the other party members escape
Langiva walks off into the marsh, Osmund follows
Hob is loaded into the cage
So Langiva declares Averill wasn’t dead, she just drugged her so she could put the show on for the villagers
But Averill at least had brain damage, right?
Osmund is returned back to the Abbey
Now, narration to explain that Osmund turned evil, went on his own crusade for the witch, but really just murdered lots of women