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Kull the Conqueror
- Opening crawl to explain all the wacky names
- Metal music opening as Kull barbarians shit to death, kind of… does anyone actually die?
- Wow, Sorbo has metal hair
- Scrimmage is over, good job guys, hit the showers
- Do people wage war with flaming swords? In water? Blindfolded?
- Dick move, man
- Kull… of Atlantis… Really? REALLY? Why?
- Picks up axe, throws axe. Why?
- “Noble blood! All over the palace floor.” (6:27)
- Kull just runs into the throneroom
- Kull tries to stop the mad king with some wacky line about no more spilling blood
- Ding dong the king is dead!
- King hands over this crown, dies
- You don’t bow, dumbass
- And here’s your property… I mean, harem
- Bring your cards to my chamber Zuretta… wink wink
- Sponge bath
- Nope, do not undress
- Choose a coaster
- Slaves are lame
- I shall fuck the insolence out of you!
- I was a slave too! You wanna drink fruity cocktails and braid each other’s hair?
- I free all slaves because I am awesome and slavery is bad!
- Thanks priest, we know how this works, we listened to Sorbo read it to us at the beginning
- Re-open your temple, we must all be reminded of the godless times!
- I must be more awesome faster!
- This is a very small town
- Weak assassination attempt
- Yes, I sent for you… I order you to braid my hair!
- I’m wearing a robe, does that impress you?
- Tonight, I sleep alone… because you need to get some mouthwash up in that stankhole of yours
- Traitors at the gates, in the rain
- Obviously these people are evil because they’re ugly
- Time to bring back the red witch
- Enter Tia
- Eh… same old same old…
- I shall make you… less ugly!
- We’ve met… she’s a slut
- How does the dead person know what protocol is?
- I think he’s settling
- Hahah… I write jokes
- Divine our future!
- She has a logo on her breast
- So like, can we take off these sheets and actually have sex?
- Hey, are you wearing contacts?
- She spit fire into his face
- What’s wrong my queen? Is your wig messed up?
- It was the jealous whore!
- Tony the Tiger on a banner
- What this party needs is more goats
- Conspirators, gather on the balcony!
- The ugly troll dude stands in front of Kull sniffing his bad breath
- Fire bad
- “What are you, witch?” Uh… yup, she’s a witch.
- Immortal sounds nice
- “I’d rather die!” Yes… that would be the opposite of immortal
- Kull hates ugly people
- Chain fight
- Hugs
- You look like you could use this coin
- Haha… camels pissing is funny!
- Do you smell camel piss?
- This dead guy is some other dead guy!
- Kull goes fucking berserk on everyone!
- Fire bad
- Bitch slap
- Is he not taking his mask off so as not to show he’s the stunt double?
- Stop! In the name of love!
- Fake news
- I can’t take a man’s life! But I can burn him extra crispy.
- Oh… he’s her brother… cool.
- Bitch slap
- And now… the quest! Sigh.
- Stay here… so I can abandon you all for Harvey.
- I don’t see any friends. God I’m funny.
- “Oh Kull, you know I hate the smell of fish.” (52:53)
- And no whipping!
- Kull is no ordinary man… he’s from Atlantis!
- Girls are gross
- And now we feed on foam rubber fish heads!
- I am still confused by Sorbo’s attempt at an accent
- Dunk the girl
- Bad wood
- Harvey wasn’t joking
- Free the slaves!
- It’s really cool that we don’t have any sheets to get in the way
- You wanna braid each other’s hair?
- This guy reminds me of Riff Raff from Rocky Horror
- The appropriately named, Isle of Ice
- So much styrofoam!
- Gnarly giant head, man
- The answer is on this coaster
- Because she’s female?
- And now she’s the carrier
- Priest kabob
- Hey look, an axe
- This guy has plans
- I hate your nose!
- What did you dredge up out of hell? Shrug
- Burning dummy
- Trail of fire
- Must take off my shirt!
- Leprechaun?
- Finally, your breath is minty fresh
- Prophecy bitch!
- That’s how a barbarian fights!
- No sticks for you, eunuch!
- By this axe, I rule! Such pretty words…
