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Minty the Assassin
- Where is this “fanboy” opening going?
- Alright, quasi comic like opening…
- And now we’re chewing…am I watching the right movie?
- Is that a zombie?
- Why did you think throwing a knife at this guy would work?
- Why does this guy have a pistol?
- Why does this guy have an M4 sitting on the ground?
- Why did a knife work this time?
- Oh, a vampire with enormous breasts
- And then the vampire attacks the zombie?
- Sexy costume Halloween party?
- Everyone knows who Minty is, she’s like James Bond
- Just killed the cop
- Comic like credit sequence
- This opening song… I think I like it?
- Sexy combat specialists don’t walk like runway models, I feel
- Instead of actually showing combat skills, we’re just going to arm wrestle
- Teaching moment
- Ah yes, the hipster hangout
- In which Minty is there, and Double Delicious
- Is she quoting Charles Darwin?
- Are they leg fucking?
- “That’s right Double Delicious, our larger brains allow for superior cognition.” 08:55
- Minutes later… boobs
- This doctor with squiggly brain cornrows…
- Have you never been to a doctor named Dr. Brain Bender?
- Sympathetic music as Big Boss talks about wanting to touch velvet and eat ice cream and shaking hands…
- Oh, psychic surgery… this should be fun…
- Is she giving him a handy to wake him up?
- Why is that poster on the wall backwards? Uhm… did they mirror the shot?
- Oh, he’s the man with the plan
- Uhm… syringe straight into the skull? I don’t think that works…
- That box looks like something someone’s fourth grader made
- This Hershey’s chocolate is really good
- She has a Polaroid camera on a shelf…
- She’s also watching Flash animation porn
- Sexiest mail delivery person ever
- Who then gets punched out
- Oh, it contains a super advanced candy bar phone
- Sorry, I must have misunderstood you, the Cock Tower?
- Yup. Filled with dicks.
- Oh, Captain Capability…
- The villain Bad Day…
- Eye beams!
- Just a young assassin, just starting out…
- Callback to Clash of the Titans
- Destroyed by nut kick
- I actually think the flaw is testicles but close enough
- I am not going any further without some KitKat… See, I’m breaking into… nevermind
- Sensational Ninja is… Yup, really flamboyant
- “Sorry version of a Power Ranger”
- This song is Tea and Crumpets
- How much of her clothes is she going to lose?
- More nut kicking
- Memory montage
- Oh, I guess a rat man is the next boss?
- “You look like you need some love!”
- Can she not solve any problems on her own?
- He pulls off more of her clothes? And she has sequins on underneath?
- Can I just touch your boob before I die?
- awww… how sweet
- “Thank you for being humane”
- The Bruce Lee rip-off
- Fist of Fury?
- “I really despise imposters” Us too
- I’m glad these bosses give Minty time to talk with Big Boss
- And more clothes come off
- How does being 10x hornier help?
- Oh, and it makes her 10x stronger
- Seriously, too many stairs
- This Flash animated sequence is wack… and so is this song
- This must be Molly Leviathan
- Is that a breath beam? Or ear beams?
- Okay… crotch beams…
- She only has so much juice
- Boob grab and… more clothes gone
- OK, let’s talk about Stephen Hawking and black holes now…
- “The ultimate scientific orgasm” uh…
- Just a taste of that chocolate…
- Oh, it takes mint chocolate
- Oh, Big Boss has secrets
- Did this guy just shoot the earpiece off her head?
- Hello Zen Cowboy
- Chocolate has lots of antioxidants
- Lessons about how eyes work
- She’s a sexual martial artist?
- She’s taking more clothes off
- That was your plan?
- The key stopped the bullet?
- Big Boss is a deaded
- Slow motion running
- Obvious song explaining “here comes the pain”
- I’m not dead yet!
- “Something’s missing…” “It’s your arm”
- He puts the arm back on
- And we finally get to Brain Bender and DD
- Yup, these two are nutjobs
- He’s the ultimate fanboy
- Did he get the crossovers too?
- Yes, we all knew Big Boss was bait…
- She just busted up every dick in Cock Tower
- He did all this just to see Minty naked?
- Yes, what the hell just happened?
- He wants her dead and naked?
- He’s been psychically fondling her
- “I don’t want to hurt you, but I have to for some reason” 1:00:30
- Let’s take this to the couch
- Sexy lesbian vampire and birds tweeting
- And the orange finally falls from the tree
- Alright, now that Minty is dressed again
- Stepping on the orange metaphor?
- Of course, this tower is on the ground floor, not the top of the Cock Tower
- Big Boss is proud of Minty, the end.
