Episode 69: Sam’s Notes

All Through the House

  • Lawn Santa
  • Lots of Santa images here
  • Escaped mental patient?
  • Hedge trimmers
  • Santa always knocks first
  • This is always what happens when you give kids autonomy
  • Requisite horror movie shower scene
  • Dad scares his wife because that’s how we roll
  • You really really need to get ready right now
  • I can just imagine running into the bathroom to use the toilet and throwing the candles off the toilet and burning the house down
  • He popped her boob
  • And I don’t know what came out of her eye, but it wasn’t blood at first
  • He’s going to lose his penis
  • Called it
  • Santa on the dash
  • Oh my, this opening song
  • This woman seems really happy to see that woman who doesn’t seem as happy
  • Santa wreath
  • That box of socks has seen some abuse
  • Mom is way dead
  • This old lady kind of looks like Santa with less facial hair
  • “Who does shit like that?”
  • Grandma is saucy and likes the sauce
  • Mrs. Garrett struggles to get the zombie Santa into place
  • Mrs. Garrett’s Santa broach
  • There are way too many cushions on this lawn couch
  • Yeah, you totally look like your mother
  • Mrs. Garrett knows people hate her
  • The dog is free!
  • And now dead
  • Lady with rollers wears Santa broach
  • Where did Santa get a machete?
  • But prefers the hedge trimmers
  • This house has an obscene number of Santas
  • Mrs. Garrett might not be well
  • Wait, was she gang raped? By a mall Santa?
  • Thank god it was only a dream, but your house is still the creepiest place ever
  • I can see why no one wants to help with decorations
  • Does this mannequin represent her daughter?
  • I guess the Daughter necklace means yes
  • Rachel is out with friends
  • Yes, she is scary
  • It’s tough to light outdoor shots at night
  • She didn’t want to take your phone calls for reasons
  • A sexy couple being sexy… so, all going to die
  • “Having sex while your parents were home was adventurous”
  • Adventure is sex cuffs? This way he can’t get away
  • I imagine him saying the safe word a lot while being slaughtered
  • These hedge trimmers should come in handy
  • Cucumber and peanut butter?
  • It buuuuuurns
  • Santa bear riding a bike?
  • These film makers do not like penises, but the kitties do
  • Eating sausage
  • I left you because you’re a ginger
  • Everyone is here to help Mrs. Garrett in the horror house
  • This egg nog is mostly  rat poison
  • Why does she need to show the attic? Foreshadowing?
  • So Mrs. Garrett was way overprotective
  • Mom is wearing Santa earrings
  • Super positive
  • So Jamie went missing
  • Mrs. Garrett has an awful lot of holiday cards for someone who doesn’t seem to have any friends
  • Come look at how the windows are all screwed shut
  • Jamie was taken by Krampus?
  • Well, she’s not a virgin, so she’s going to die
  • Another sexy couple gets ready to die
  • Shakey bed
  • Does she not understand how to get off a bed?
  • Santa shower curtain
  • And she has a girlfriend, twist!
  • Don’t forget the vibe
  • Killed through the door, right?
  • Called it
  • I can’t wait till this guy kills someone with a vibe
  • Note, it’s currently 11:50
  • Everyone knows how bad an idea it is to try this dress on
  • Must find the other decorations in the attic, because there aren’t enough
  • This looks like Jamie’s shit
  • Mrs. Garrett was a nurse
  • Grandma is enjoying the SoCo
  • No one wants to talk about Rachel’s mom
  • Please tell me Jamie hasn’t been taxidermied
  • Nope, just sexually abused Santa in the bed
  • Let’s check out the creepy locked closet
  • They have put up zero decorations
  • Grandma investigates
  • Fucking black cats
  • Grandma is tossed
  • Who has an office phone at home?
  • He killed the cat? Of course he did.
  • Have you never heard of selfies?
  • Ah, the mysterious letters
  • Lots of scared cats in this neighborhood
  • The first person to actually run away and try to fight back
  • And she didn’t make it
  • Defingered and disemboweled, I guess (that was Sarah)
  • She doesn’t have time to talk with Cody
  • And there it is…
  • The only window in the house that isn’t screwed down is the one in the bathroom, makes sense
  • How did Santa get outside the house?
  • See, heels suck
  • Gia gets throat chopped
  • Yes, why are the lights out?
  • You should definitely take that key with you
  • Cody has been doing some research
  • Cell phones are so unreliable
  • Clearly there is still power in the house
  • Why did Mrs. Garrett put up Christmas lights in the locked passageway?
  • It’s a creepy mannequin workshop down here
  • Mrs. Garrett is hanging out in the basement
  • The great horror is that Jamie was a boy?
  • You mutilited the child?
  • Oh… I get it…
  • So it’s kind of like Michael Meyers
  • Of course the nog was poisoned
  • How did grandma get here?
  • Now I get the penis chopping and vibrator theft
  • Cody to save the day!
  • Now that you saved my life, I love you
  • Mrs. Garrett is a brawler
  • Well, obviously, we need to remove his penis
  • She’ll never be able to open this cage
  • The heads of all her friends?
  • Oh, nope, penises
  • No, there is no way to fix Jamie’s problem
  • Mrs. Garrett really enjoyed killing Cody
  • She really hates dickless men
  • I fully expect a fire
  • Hey bro, hey sis
  • Don’t get it, why did Rachel join the circus?