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Tex and the Lords of the Deep
- Well this looks really Spanish
- Opening narrative to explain that death runs at his side to kill anyone who breaks the law of the white man
- Night Eagle
- Uhm… Lone Ranger and Tonto?
- And this is clearly dubbed
- Just riding through the desert
- Head
- “He’ll pay for it before his black spirit burns in hell!”
- This looks like hard work, I’ll leave you to it
- Holy shit, gunshots! I hope something happens now.
- Nope, only the most boring thing that could possibly happen with shooting, destroying bottles.
- Native American stereotypes are fun
- Tex murders people
- “A snake is never unarmed.”
- “Now you can sell whiskey to the Devil.”
- Picturesque Navajo village
- Cowboy Gandalf?
- Groovy music
- Tex is clearly not interested in anything Silver Hair is here for
- Are there entirely different actors voicing the same characters?
- I am bored by this discussion of which route they’re going to take to go wherever this is
- This music really does not shout adventure movie to me
- Tiger’s signal!
- A tiger isn’t exactly a native american spirit animal
- That does not look like someone who is burned
- After burying more people, they’re at a town now
- I’ll just take that fetish from you
- Talk of vittles and varmints makes this sound like the most stereotypical western
- Also, is Tiger a valet?
- Something about gun running?
- “You must be loco!”
- “Drop your gun!” *bang*
- Everything in this room just fell over.
- Okay, I really like that mummifying effect
- Didn’t someone lose their hat just now?
- Chasing the guy on horseback in a horse drawn wagon… so this isn’t happening
- Slow chase through the waist high water
- This guy is intentionally marking a trail
- Why is their random smoke coming out of water?
- The mythical quicksand!
- “Hold fast Tex, don’t let go…” uh… really?
- Where’s Tiger? Probably washing your laundry.
- During the autopsy, “Beer.”
- The guy doing the autopsy: “I’ll try to probe at this point, with God’s help.”
- Now let’s spend 20 minutes enjoying the lazy float across the river on this ferry with soaring big country music…
- More scenes of these guys riding horses around
- Burro!
- Alright, we’re here!
- Whoever is talking is off-screen and we haven’t seen him yet
- Oh, it’s this… Egyptian fellow
- Tequila and lemons
- Something in the mouth of the pendant
- Apparently, phosphorescent
- Just wait here while I prepare a slide and examine it under the microscope
- It’s of volcanic origin, and now we have to verify the hypothesis, with FISH!
- And this valet guy is really mysterious
- And the fish that ate the volcanic stuff was instantly dessicated
- What is a “volcanically active cave”?
- 38 minutes in and super bored
- Camera follows knife walking through the entire house
- “You keep the storms of death away from anyone who lives in this house!”
- *scuffle*
- “Well they’re plum crazy.”
- Assassin dies after giving the bad guys information about who’s coming.
- Touches crucifix to the lips of the dead Indian guy, who we’ve already established, worships demons
- Let’s watch these guys ride in with some big country music
- “Dag nabit Tex!”
- Just going to watch you boys take off your spurs
- So this guy is El Dorado?
- I see, they’re kicking up dust to cover their entrance
- Damnit, they shot the horse
- People falling off buildings
- Wagon tries to escape
- Body in the well
- Shoot the wagon and it blows up
- Marcus is betrayed!
- Gives the dying man his cigar
- Sad scene killing the horse
- Oh, El Dorado’s gold… I get it
- Meet me at Vulture’s Well tomorrow
- These men have no pants.
- At the cult temple, I guess
- The guns aren’t here yet because UPS
- Gaze upon the beautiful gold colored light in this chest!
- Why does this guardian of the abyss look funny walking around here
- Just watching Tex pour some coffee and sip it to some nice peaceful sunset music
- People hidden under the sand!
- More shots of Tex riding his horse to some friendly music
- So Tex gets to the camp of Mogwa, is told that the white man is ruining everything, and then the chief’s son attacks him and Tex fights and wins
- Tex arrives at Vulture’s Well and there’s no one there, but he notices the cloth that looks like it could be from anything
- Our friends have been hung from the rocks
- Crazy speech by crazy man
- “Why don’t you go fry cow dung in Hell!”
- And to punish him, they lower the man closer to the bottom
- Another guy riding on a horse for a while
- Oh look, there’s Tex
- You don’t think the guy you’re trying to capture is going to smell your cigarette smoke?
- Gunna blow this arsenal up good!
- Tex kills everyone
- Tex flips!
- These men still have no pants
- Why is this guy shooting his rifle from the hip?
- The escape into the volcanic caves
- Tex keeps a lot of matches in his pocket
- Any idea where we are? Probably in a cave
- Are we supposed to believe this horn music is coming from that guy tooting the animal horn?
- Oh, Mogwa is going to be killed
- Yup
- Why didn’t Tex shoot the priest guy?
- Everything starts falling apart
- Rocks falling out of the sky?
- All the priestesses suicide with the green stones
- El Dorado shows up looking for his treasure, I guess
- El Dorado is killed by a random snake
- Narration explains that the forces of good prevailed
- Ending narrative is in Spanish, no English anything
