Episode 38: Sam’s Notes

Independents’ Day

  • It’s 2003 in Colorado
  • Flat tire! Worst day ever!
  • Area 51, I guess?
  • The invasion approaches
  • I’m going to hate myself forever for saying this, but is that Timmy?
  • 1 kilometer in length? This is definitely a budget movie
  • Other than the hexagons, what makes them think it’s a beehive?
  • The slightest provocation means kill them all!
  • The lady pilot is going to hang back so the man can die first, I expect she’ll be the female lead
  • Unnecessary maneuvers like that will get you killed
  • Nope, lady pilot is dead too
  • Uhm, it’s a kilometer wide and 17 ft in the air, you don’t need a satellite to see it
  • Pew pew lasers!
  • We’re failures!
  • I’m so glad they’re going to reproduce the iconic scene from Independence Day
  • Just, smaller…
  • Wow, she’s got that oath memorized!
  • Let’s invite them to tea!
  • Am I supposed to rally behind these T-party folks?
  • NRA to the rescue!
  • Randal, STFU!
  • Timmy, STFU!
  • They’re calling themselves Orions because they’re from Orion.
  • Tea!
  • So, they’re going to attack the ships with shotguns?
  • They should have gotten Siri to make this speech
  • See, I was right, fuck you all!
  • Timmy is really happy
  • Wait, are they having this conversation with the aliens through the nuclear football?
  • We have other people who can be experiments
  • Boarding the ship, greeted by ED209, kind of
  • Somehow, I was expecting more
  • The aliens REALLY want the child
  • Step into the regeneration chamber
  • We are highly advanced robots, but we need you to close the door for us
  • And he steps out as Brundle-fly
  • Don’t worry, this kid is fine
  • They aren’t who they say they are, and we can decipher their language
  • The militia are here!
  • Save the civilians!
  • How did that guy get out? What just happened?
  • Militia called First Earth
  • Why is the whole mainframe shutting down?
  • EXTERMINATION
  • Life support is failing?
  • Why is there a picture of a swiveling human?
  • I guess now we have to watch them go down to the basement
  • I really enjoy watching these guys perform life saving plumbing
  • Timmy to the rescue!
  • With the power of legs!
  • Do you love me now daddy?
  • Why does the Senator have Kelly’s phone number?
  • There’s a high level of obnoxious gravel in Kelly’s voice
  • Let’s see if the security scan can pick up this clay
  • Initiate ceramics class
  • This smell is very important
  • If there were timers on the charges, why was there also a detonator?
  • Your first problem was using wooden barriers
  • I hate being president.
  • So the militia is taking orders from the senator?
  • When told to stand-down, he fires on them
  • Yay, Dark Echo is here!
  • Oh yeah, they really slapped the senator down
  • We have a space wing?
  • We’re up against a frozen hand?
  • Plasma tendril?
  • This pheromone is delicious, chilled over ice
  • The mountain boys are going to save us!
  • This military guy is really over dramatic
  • How could this be same as the Cheyenne ship? That was a fighter and this is a transport
  • So it’s not the same
  • So it’s like, Bluetooth
  • In one scene, Kelly is carrying a shotgun, then an M4, then a shotgun
  • This is the worst Bluetooth speaker ever
  • This advanced space ship has wires hanging out of its control system
  • Are they just going to space everyone?
  • Yup
  • Why bother with the deception?
  • Why are they returning to the beehive first?
  • Wow, just like that, we can create a pathogen to kill them all
  • Do you think there’s a chance in hell of any of that being true?
  • Patriotic speech!
  • Are this guy’s beard braids getting longer?
  • “It’s time to blow up some more alien shit.” (1:07:10)
  • Guy making the pathogen has a bronze eagle on his desk
  • Please explain your pathogen
  • GS-57B
  • Yeah, totally, let’s release the pathogen
  • Oh, we infect the ship with a virus! I hope they have a Mac.
  • Guys, I see no Macs, I don’t think this is going to work
  • I told you
  • What is the purpose of this meeting? Tea and biscuits.
  • It is the perfect plan. Except, you need an Apple product. Maybe an iPad?
  • Fake crying now.
  • You have to make direct contact with the queen
  • Requisite mist, check
  • By “bombs” you mean vials?
  • Finally, the queen
  • What do you think of my ship?
  • Really?
  • Use human blood for energy stores? Really?
  • I don’t find this argument compelling
  • We’re just going to spare your family
  • That’s a terrible deal
  • Let’s shake on it
  • On Earth this is the universal gesture of friendship and agreement… that’s not how “universal” works
  • Is it really necessary to kill everyone off?
  • They’re called dragonflies?
  • We’re not dead?
  • And the NRA takes credit for everything