Episode 92: Sam’s Notes

Blackwater

  • What nice country
  • Redneck nightmares
  • Rednecks don’t like city boys, obviously
  • Angela Airlines is pretty sweet
  • You can tell this movie is pre-smartphone because video cameras
  • We should get out there and push ourselves!
  • So we know this woman has a kid
  • Bugs! Get me out of here!
  • The car still hasn’t come
  • This woman just stares at a locket showing her daughter
  • He’s a cowboy because he has a hat!
  • This lady is all over young Danny
  • Owl! Alright, this movie isn’t so bad
  • No one is calling Danny out on being four hours late
  • You know it’s the country because this town only has 81 residents
  • This pickup just made a highly illegal maneuver!
  • And he really wants to get their attention
  • Drunk redneck catcalls while driving
  • In case you forgot, these are city girls
  • Straddle those ATVs
  • So you know where you’re going, right? How the fuck do they know where they’re going?
  • You’d think these ladies had never driven a vehicle above 12 MPH before
  • Hold on ladies, lets slow this party down!
  • I have seen way too much of these ladies driving ATVs
  • Slow motion mud spray!
  • Nothing like sunset over ATVs
  • Seriously, how did they know where they were going?
  • Random bonfire
  • I guess we’ll stop at this place
  • Are you sure this dump is the place? Because it’s a dump. Did you notice we just flew in on a private plane?
  • Mossy
  • I can’t wait for you to take a hot shower either! Girl, you stank.
  • They think the candles are romantic, but it’s actually because there isn’t electricity out here
  • Boar hog?
  • They’re getting all classed up for a night stuck in redneck paradise
  • Obligatory shower scene
  • Why is the daughter giving mom a teddy?
  • Well, that was explained
  • I mean, how are you REALLY doing… You know, because you haven’t fucked in years…
  • The good news is, she won’t be drawing those pictures of daddy for long
  • Time to get sauced!
  • This is your  map? *tableflip*
  • You are so trashed. I’m surprised you’re able to sit up.
  • Still not in Vegas
  • Is that supposed to be moonshine in a tiny bottle?
  • If you thought you were drunk on wine, just wait till you get a load of these tiny bottles!
  • Why are they all sitting on the couch in lingerie?
  • Watch me assemble my crossbow like someone who’s done this before
  • Are they… hunting? Probably boar hogs.
  • Not only can she hold a crossbow, but she can also stick her hands in animal tracks
  • Psych!
  • “Why didn’t you shoot?” “I didn’t need to. He was ours. That’s all that really matters.” 20:07
  • Alright, moving on after that blunt foreshadowing
  • We didn’t know where you were!
  • Psst… did you know she had a crossbow?
  • We found these kids and got them dirty and stuck them on this dock
  • Uhm, why would your daughter want to see pictures of dirty boys?
  • Redneck thinks pictures steal your soul, I’m guessing?
  • The sign said no trespassing, didn’t say anything about no pictures, I swear
  • This guy could really use some sunscreen
  • Are you okay with this? Because that scary redneck said the everglades is bad
  • Yeah. People say New York is “different”
  • Didn’t you have a blast last night lounging around in your underwear? Which makes it like going into the everglades how?
  • Alright, you kind of sold me
  • Enter the fan boat
  • Why is the exact same cow and calf by their house that was also by the airport? I think that’s what we should be worried about
  • I really hope this is as exciting as watching them ride ATVs
  • More tiny gators!
  • I think the ATVs were moving faster
  • Thank you for reminding us you have a daughter
  • Yeah, follow the “map”
  • FYI, two-legged varmints are a thing
  • Burning shit!
  • You loved his little accent? Don’t tell him that.
  • Bottom line, your lives don’t matter out here
  • Yeah Angie, you fucked up hard with that guy
  • Angie is a tracker, FYI, but she never takes the shot
  • Ladies talking about how they could never kill anything
  • Thank goodness someone brought up the baby issue, the tension was killing me
  • I always take my crossbow with me when I pee
  • Excuse me, is there a varmint out there?
  • Of course she has a laser sight on her crossbow
  • Come over here and lie down with us in your underwear
  • Angie, this trip is really great, but I am seriously going to blame you when we’re all murdered
  • I’m not sure Angie is going to make it
  • I think I hear a boar hog!
  • OMG, sound effects, run!
  • Chased them right into my trap!
  • Okay, but who is out there shining a giant light on this tree they’re in?
  • And a boar hog is dead. She finally did it.
  • Canoeing is fun, wheeee!
  • The sweeping epic score really helps here
  • Yeah, this is probably the right setting for Uugs
  • Finally, rednecks with bad skin
  • Why, is that moonshine in that moonshine jug?
  • I just want to thank Angie for getting us the full redneck experience
  • Just, give me a minute to reload this crossbow
  • So now we’ve got to hide the body?
  • Argument about whether we should hide the body or hate them all more
  • She’s right, we hide the body and get out of here
  • They’ll protect each other, we know that! Because movies.
  • You’ve never seen a man killed in front of you? But you’re from NYC
  • Hurry, we need to float away really slowly in the canoes!
  • They killed Bubba!
  • Need a smoke? Sure. Thanks buddy.
  • I really like watching people smoke. That’s all. Just smoking.
  • Seriously, how can you smell them over all that smoke?
  • Listen… do you smell that?
  • Owl! This movie isn’t so bad.
  • Angie is inevitably shot.
  • How did the shoot her leg… that was in the canoe?
  • “What’s going on here? We’re going to die out here you guys.” 56:13
  • We need something to stop the bleeding. Yeah, probably should have worn more clothes.
  • Thank goodness for mini-moonshine bottles!
  • Oh come on, it’s buckshot, it’s not life-threatening
  • She had the teddy bear in the canoe with her?
  • Plants!
  • Watch out for snakes, and try not to look into the camera when you walk by
  • It’s a deadend!
  • Angie, did you bring the “map?”
  • Well now it’s even more useless than it was before.
  • Redneck wonderland
  • I give up, why are there people tied to trees with barbed wire?
  • Alright, the wind is blowing and… we steer them. Gotchya.
  • We’ll smoke’em out!
  • Beautiful shot of the rednecks dancing around the flames in slow motion
  • And smoking
  • Trapped!
  • This is all your fault, Angie!
  • Megan is going to solve this, and don’t forget, she has a daughter
  • Yup, still two shells in the gun
  • I pray to the shotgun gods
  • Don’t forget, Megan has a daughter
  • Well, now we know, Megan shoots first
  • Tearful reunion
  • “What happened?” “I murdered another man.”
  • Megan shoots again! But almost certainly missed.
  • Almost where?
  • I hope you weren’t following the “map”
  • Tucker strikes again and Kat dives in with a knife!
  • Kat has jumped on this guy five times and still hasn’t stabbed him
  • Kat is going to finish the job
  • Music swells as the girls find a house in the middle of nowhere, they’re saved!
  • I don’t think they did it
  • These random redneck kids are going to save the ladies
  • Don’t forget, Megan, you have a daughter
  • Of course these three guys did the music
  • I think this entire movie was made by just these three guys
  • Post credits scene… we are out of here
  • Who the fuck is this guy? Oh, is that the CIA Agent?